


By Any Other Name

by Clea2011



Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Djinni & Genies, Fairy Tale Retellings, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a retelling of the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale, with added genie of the bottle.    It is very much crackfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Any Other Name

**Author's Note:**

> For the trope_bingo square au: royalty / aristocracy / feudal. Thanks to fififolle for the beta, and to celeste9 for all the Fairy Tale discussions. It contains no mpreg, as requested by Celeste9. 
> 
> Celeste9 has written some Fairy tale AU Primeval fic as well. It is wonderful and everyone should check it out.

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Connor, who lived in a faraway land with his sarcastic yet kindly father.  His father, who strictly speaking was his guardian having taken him in when he was found on the temple steps as a child, had risen up to become Prime Minister, and although this meant he was very busy he still found time for Connor and better yet could afford to indulge him in his interest in science.  Connor was very happy, and knew that he had been very fortunate in all but one thing.  His father's lifestyle meant that they regularly had to spend time with the royal family, and as soon as Connor saw the very handsome crown prince he knew that he would never love another.  Sadly, the prince barely knew that Connor existed.

King Philip had been on the throne for many years.  He knew that one day his reign would come to an end, and it would be time for his son to take over, but he hoped that wouldn't be for a long time yet.  Philip liked being king.  He liked having people bowing and scraping to him and doing exactly what he told them to.  It was right, what with him being so far superior to them all.  He hoped that one day his son would be able to see things like that and appreciate how much better they were than everyone else.  Unfortunately, he showed little sign of it, and often would bite his knuckles in distress when some menial serf came into the throne room on their knees.  Apparently he felt he should be saving them, because that was what he did, and the king had sometimes had to stop him helping up any number of lowly peasants who only wanted to lick the king's royal boots.

Temperament aside, Prince Hilary was the model prince.  Exactly as he should be, the price King Philip paid for him.  He was tall, dark and extremely handsome.  He was equally adept with the rifle and the sword, and set their subjects' hearts aflame wherever he went.  He also had perfect hair that was never mussed, and wore tight black leather trousers, thigh-length boots and a white billowing shirt open to the navel whatever the occasion. 

Philip was very proud of his son and heir and took him along whenever there was any sort of press call or publicity, as he always increased the royal family's approval rating.  Truthfully, he was only the adopted son, as Queen April was not only too posh to push but too vain to soil her figure with the stain of pregnancy.  She also was very proud of Prince Hilary, and once every month or so deigned to spend a small amount of time with him to ensure that he was still worthy of that pride. 

Queen April was rather difficult to please.  And if she was unhappy, she wouldn't let King Philip into the royal bedchamber.  She was often unhappy, and King Philip was therefore often forced to spank the royal monkey.  It was most vexing.

There were many things in Philip's life which were vexing.  The Prime Minister was high up on the list of these things. 

James Lester was, as far as Philip was concerned, an odious little man.  His bows and scrapes were never very deep, and there was always an undercurrent of scorn in his voice.  Or boredom.  Philip could often hear boredom, and condescension, and disdain.  And sarcasm.  He heard an awful lot of sarcasm. 

On one particular day, Prime Minister Lester was looking exceptionally unimpressed as Prince Hilary single-handedly fought off all his knights and won the royal tournament for the sixth year in a row.  Sir Danny of Quinn had taken part that year, and proved a most trying opponent.  Even Sir Ryan had struggled with his underhand methods which invariably went against the knightly code, which unfortunately had meant that Sir Danny met Prince Hilary in the final instead, and in the place of the normal annual glorious display of perfect swordsmanship from both men resulting in the contrived but expected royal victory, there was an unsporting game of hide and seek, a great deal of mud and the prince looking quite put out.

In the end Hilary had emerged victorious, but it had been a close thing.

"Quinn is here on your invitation, is he not?" Philip enquired of his prime minister, knowing full well the answer.   He was predisposed to dislike Quinn, particularly as Queen April was currently commiserating with him on his loss far more than was necessary as she presented him with the runners-up trophy. 

"You know that he is.  Sire."

Lester always managed to make 'Sire' or 'Your Majesty' sound like a thinly-veiled insult.  Philip ignored it.  He was, after all, king for life.  This annoying prime minister would be gone in a few years.  As long as he wasn't replaced by that awful Johnson woman.  He didn't think he could stand another term with her.

"A pity, then, that he failed to win.  Despite his...ah... _unusual_ style of fighting.  Hilary is of course the very best and is undefeated in the field."

"Largely because your knights are under orders to make sure that is the case.  I very much doubt your boy would be able to hold his own against Sir Ryan in an even fight."

It was unfair, and it wasn't even entirely true.  Philip had never ordered the knights to let Hilary win, they had just taken it as a given.  And Ryan had been the prince's instructor, of course he wanted his pupil to win.  Besides, Hilary had managed to defeat Quinn, eventually, and he definitely hadn't been wanting to let the prince win.

"I never see your boy taking part here," Philip pointed out.  "I suppose he has a delicate constitution, unsuited to manly pursuits?"

"Connor is more interested in intellectual matters," Lester told him.  "He is acknowledged far and wide as a genius.  He would hardly lower himself to waste his days lugging a sword around like some kind of barbarian."

"Strange, because many times I have seen him sitting up here gazing at Prince Hilary while he's fighting, in a way that I could only describe as besotted.  It's quite pathetic, poor boy.  And hardly intellectual."

It was with a certain satisfaction that Philip watched Lester draw himself up to his full height (which was, unfortunately, still only up to the king's shoulder) and started reeling off his son's many accomplishments.   Philip's eyes glazed over, not really interested.  He'd succeeded in hitting a nerve, and that was all he'd really been after.  That was, until Lester started telling him about the science project Connor had started at university which was opening up anomalies in time and space and allowing travel through them.   Philip scoffed, but was secretly very interested.  Lester's claims grew, until he started to talk about a land Connor had found where everything was gold, even the trees.  A man could be very wealthy if he had the ability to reach that land.  Philip's treasury had been looking very unhealthy recently, largely due to Queen April's regular spending sprees.

"I don't believe you," Philip told him. 

"Well, you're not a man of science."

Philip ignored that.  He owned a vast library, and sometimes he stood in there and looked at all his books that were sitting on the shelves.  The spines were all colour-coordinated.  He was, he felt, an extremely learned man.  And even if he wasn't, he was king and everyone had to say he was very intelligent indeed.  This insubordinate prime minister needed to be taught a lesson.  Also, Philip had just thought of an excellent way in which he could also benefit from the situation.  "You'll have to prove it.  Bring your boy to the palace tomorrow.  He'll have 24 hours to open up this anomaly thing to the land of gold.  If he succeeds, I will give him Hilary's hand in marriage."

Lester snorted.  "Well, that should lower his IQ level by several notches but I daresay he won't mind.  What if he fails?"

"He'll be hailed far and wide as a fraud and never find work in his chosen field.  But he's a comely boy.  I'll take him in as the royal bedwarmer."

"That's abuse of power.  You can't..."

"I think you'll find, Mr Lester, that I am king and therefore I most certainly can.  I find myself almost hoping that he fails.  Now, bring him here in the morning, and I'll explain things to him.  If you like, I can even take him through his new duties."

"That won't be necessary," Lester told him through gritted teeth.   

Philip smiled to himself as the prime minister made his excuses and hurried away.  Whatever happened the next day, the outcome for Philip could only be good.

Now all he had to do was break the news to Prince Hilary...

\---

Hilary had not taken the news well.

In fact, he was lying on Philip's favourite fainting couch, the one he used when wanting to appear particularly distressed to the nation about some minor thing he couldn't care less about.  Hilary, it appeared, had perfected the swoon on his first try.  Philip was rather envious.  Hilary was going to be a great king.  One day.  A very, very long time in the future.  He was reclining dramatically with the back of his hand pressed over his forehead.  Queen April had torn herself away from Sir Danny's side and was making some effort to calm her son.  If nothing else, it always made her look good in the papers if she was seen to be a caring mother. 

Philip was sure he heard Sir Danny mutter something about "What a wuss!" and contemplated ways that the newly appointed knight (the queen had insisted...) could be accused of treason and executed in a slow and painful manner. 

"But Pater," Hilary wailed.  "He's an intellectual!  A scientist!  I have heard that he may even be a _geek!_   What could we possibly have in common?"

April patted his hand reassuringly.  "There, there, dearest boy, your father is sure the task is quite impossible and you won't have to marry him."

"But he's a _genius_!" Hilary cried.  "He's won prizes.  At school he used to do all my homework for me!  Dear lord, I'll have to _talk_ to him!  He knows all the episodes of Dr Who, you know?  He can _quote_ them!"

"Your suffering is indeed going to be great," Sir Danny put in helpfully.  "I hear there's a new series out soon!"

Philip glared at him.  Hilary let out a fresh wail of distress.

"I'll just go and tell the rest of the knights that the prince is indisposed, shall I?" Quinn offered.  The queen beamed at him.  Philip glared some more and pretended not to hear what the newest knight muttered about the crown prince as he exited.

___

It had been a long and trying day.  It wasn't easy being prime minister when the king was such a smug and irritating bastard.  Lester couldn't wait for the revolution and intended being right at the head of it, leading the country into a glorious republic.

Dragging Connor away from watching the knights had been a lot easier once the prince had been called away to speak with his father.  It was true, Lester reflected sadly, that his boy did indeed have a gigantic crush on the prince.  He'd hoped Connor would make a good marriage with a fellow scientist, and produce many grandchildren who would make great advances in their chosen fields and provide him with much boasting material once he moved on to the House of Lords with his inevitable knighthood.

As it was, if any genetic children appeared it would be a small miracle.  Lester supposed they would be purchased from the same source as their princely father, and doubtless have similar traits.  It was deeply disappointing.  Still, it was time to break the news.  Connor was hunched over his computer, playing some interminable game.  Again.  It was sometimes hard to remember just how smart he was.

"Connor, my boy, how would you like to be married to Prince Hilary?"

Judging by the wide-eyed and hopeful expression on his face, the answer was very much indeed.  Lester sighed. 

"There's one small problem..."

___

 

Connor had been to the palace many times, and even been introduced to the king once.  He'd not liked the way that King Philip looked at him then, and he certainly didn't like the way he was looking at him when Connor arrived to start his trial.

Prince Hilary was standing behind the king, looking extremely sulky and cross.  It made him look even more attractive than usual.  Connor hoped it wasn't because he didn't want to marry Connor, though he knew that was a faint hope on both counts.

Up until this point, Connor had always been very happy that James Lester had taken him in when he was found on the temple steps as a small child.  The prime minister was a kind father, despite trying very hard to pretend not to let anyone see that he was.  Sometimes, though, he was over-proud of his clever son, and on this occasion had stepped over the mark with his boasting.  Connor didn't blame him, the king was very annoying and probably had goaded his father into it.

If only his father hadn't exaggerated so very much about the golden lands.  In truth, Connor had managed to open one single anomaly.  A very large dinosaur had stuck its head through and been decapitated when Connor panicked and turned the machine off.  It had made a terrible mess of the carpet.  Since then his attempts to replicate the experiment had failed, although he'd told his father they were going very well and had possibly made out that he had managed to open several more gateways. 

He knew he was going to spend many years in the king's bedchamber, and then probably be thrown out on the street to sell his body when the king tired of him because he didn't think his father was going to want to take him back after he'd shamed the family so, and he'd never be able to get a job as anything other than a whore with only 'King's bedwarmer' on his CV.  Worse, because he was the prime minister's son it would be all across the papers.  Lester would probably have to resign.  He could feel the tears welling up.  Why hadn't he been honest with his father?

The king was speaking to him again.  He'd laid a friendly hand on Connor's shoulder, which he kept rubbing in an overly familiar manner.  Connor gathered that he was supposed to follow the king to a specially prepared laboratory, where he would be given everything he asked for and then left alone for a day to concentrate on his work.  A day.  It had taken Connor six months to work out the calculations on the first anomaly and another year to build a machine that successfully opened them.  The decapitated dinosaur head had fallen on the prototype and broken it and he hadn't been able to replicate it.

He was never going to be able to build another one in so short a space of time. 

Miserably he asked for everything from his lab at home to be brought over, including the smashed prototype, and contemplated his fate.

Philip beamed at him happily, contemplating the same thing.

\---

 

After ten hours, Connor started to lose what little hope he had.  The prototype showed no signs of working, and he couldn't read half his notes because he'd either written them so poorly or cried all over them. 

After fifteen hours he started to despair. 

After twenty hours he ripped up all his notes, then panicked and tried to stick them all back together again.

After twenty-two hours, he gave up, put his head in his hands, and sobbed his heart out. 

Connor had been crying for quite a while, his face was all red and blotchy and he'd used most of a mansize box of tissues.  He was so wrapped up in his own misery, and the thought of what King Philip would want him to do in his new role, and the fact that Prince Hilary would never look at him with anything but disgust ever again, and that his father would probably be forced to disown him, that he didn't notice that he was no longer alone until his new companion spoke.

"Dear me, whatever is the matter?"

It was a small, weaselly little man with sharp features and a suit that didn't quite fit.  There was something vaguely unwholesome about him, the sort of untrustworthiness you'd associate with a loan shark or a used car salesman.  Connor blinked at him, wiped his nose and sat up.

"Has the king sent you?  Is my time up already?"

"Not at all."  The strange man gave him a twisted little smile.  "I heard someone crying, and came to see if I could help."

"That's very kind of you," Connor sniffed.  Lester had taught him that he should always be polite.  "But nobody can help me.  I've got to get this mended and working before the deadline, otherwise I'm to be given to the king for his pleasure and Prince Hilary will never look at me ever again!"

"Oh dear, that would be rather a pity," the man told him.  "I hear the king is most vigorous in his attentions, and very active when he gets the opportunity."

This revelation set Connor off again.  When he'd calmed himself a little, he noticed that the little man had gone over to the prototype and was examining it.

"It was a science project at uni," Connor explained.  "I can't replicate it and I only have about an hour left."

"Hmm.  I suppose it would be worth a great deal to you if someone were to help you get it working?"

"Nobody can," Connor moaned.  "I'm the only one who's ever done it."

"But if someone could," the man continued.  "What would it be worth to you?"

The man was even less attractive than the king.  Connor hoped this wasn't leading up to a proposition.   Still, it couldn't be done so it didn't really matter.

"If someone could do that it would be a miracle, I think right now it would be worth whatever they wanted."

"Excellent.  Shall we say your first born child?"

"What?"

"If I fix this for you, in return you will give me your first born child."

If Connor somehow got through the trial, he would be marrying Prince Hilary and no amount of infatuation was going to help him provide the prince with a son, first born or otherwise.  It seemed a safe enough deal.

"Done," Connor agreed.  "But I only have thirty five minutes left now."

The little man rubbed his hands together happily.  "Don't you worry your pretty little head about that, Connor.  You go and wash away those tears and get some sleep, you'll want to look nice and refreshed to greet your future father-in-law in the morning, won't you?"

Connor was still very dubious about seeing King Philip in the morning, or at any other time of day, but there was no fixing of the anomaly device in the small amount of time he had left, so he rinsed his face off in the small sink, then curled up in the corner of the laboratory, wrapped his coat around himself, and went to sleep.

\---

Leek admired his handiwork then hopped through the newly-created anomaly before anyone else saw him.  It had been a simple matter to use the anomaly opening device from the future to open a gateway to the world Connor wanted.  All he had to do now was wait until the appropriate time and come back to claim his prize. 

\---

King Philip had gathered everyone together to witness Lester's humiliation.  He stood outside the lab, enjoying the apprehensive look on his prime minister's face.  At least he would never have to hear how wonderful Connor the temple foundling was ever again.  Perhaps he'd be able to tell Lester how wonderful the young man was instead?  Lester would certainly hate hearing about that.

Prince Hilary was still looking grumpy.  He'd pointed out to his son on the way down that Hilary didn't really have a lot to worry about.  Connor was hardly going to succeed in his impossible task, and if he did then Hilary would damned well keep up his end of the bargain.

"And what happens if he fails?" Hilary had asked. 

"Then he'll be my very personal servant," Philip beamed. 

Hilary screwed up his face.  "Eww, Pater, that's gross.  One doesn't want to know about one's parents doing that sort of thing."

Philip glanced back at Queen April who appeared to have acquired Sir Danny as her personal bodyguard, and he tended to agree with the prince.  Still, there were other things to consider.  James Lester was looking more concerned by the moment.  Philip had made sure the opposition leaders were around to witness this as well.  Christine was looking particularly smug. 

"Well, shall we?" He pushed the doors open without waiting for a response.  He was king, after all.

In the middle of the room was a huge glowing anomaly. 

"Oh my God!" Philip exclaimed, and hurried towards the light.

"Dear Lord!" Lester exclaimed, and hurried over to Connor who was just waking up.

"Gods, kill me now!" Prince Hilary muttered, and tried to leave but Sir Danny stopped him.

"Now, now.  You don't want to upset your fiancé, Prince Hils!  Why don't you go and congratulate him?"

Philip ignored the extremely un-princely thing that his son said in reply to that.  Hilary would do as he was told, or be disinherited.   He stood in front of the anomaly, staring at it.  Then, without waiting for Connor to get to his feet and explain it to him, he walked into it.

On the other side was everything he had hoped for.  There were huge piles of gold everywhere.  It was as if he were inside a gigantic safety deposit box.  He shrugged his jacket off, laid it on the ground and scooped armfuls of gold coins onto it.  When it became impossible to carry any more without the material giving way, he picked it up and carried it back through the anomaly.

Connor was standing with Lester, still looking a little bleary-eyed and confused.  Philip dropped the money on the floor, ordered the prince and the knight to go through and get as much as they could carry, then strode over and embraced Connor.

"My dear boy!"   Connor squirmed and looked miserable.  Philip decided under the circumstances to forgive him and ignore the fact that the misery was probably due to the fact he thought the king was about to ravage him.  "You are every bit the genius your father promised you were!"

Lester managed to look both relieved and smug at the same time.  Then smug won out.  Philip was in too good a mood to care.

"Did... did it work?" Connor asked tentatively.

Philip beamed at him.  "It worked perfectly!"  He glanced back to see Sir Danny and Hilary coming back through the anomaly with armfuls of gold.  "Perfectly!  Sir Danny, run and get all the knights.  And tell them to bring wheelbarrows!"

Sir Danny shook his head, but obeyed.  He seemed to be finding it all highly amusing.  Prince Hilary headed back to the anomaly, looking thoroughly miserable.  The king could imagine why.  Still, it couldn't be helped and it wasn't as if royal marriages had to be love matches or anything.  He glanced at Queen April who was picking up pieces of gold and fondling them.  No, it certainly wasn't a prerequisite.  He hurried through the anomaly after his son.

"Hilary!"

The prince scowled at him.  "I'm not marrying him.  His clothes don't match and he never washes his hair."

"Then buy him new clothes and hold him under the shower.  Honestly, Hilary, have I taught you nothing?  Look at all this gold!  I'm going to have statues made, palaces built..."

"Should we not be helping the poorer people and developing the country?"

"They'll feel inspired by the statues and palaces.  And the royal wedding, everyone enjoys those.  We'll give them _two_ days off."

Hilary made a little sobbing noise at the back of his throat at the mention of the royal wedding.  If possible, he looked even more miserable.  "I'm the people's prince, that's what they call me.  It's my duty to marry for love!  And I wanted to marry someone brave and heroic!"

"Well you'll be marrying one of the people.  One of those commoners you're so fond of.  A foundling, actually.  Everyone will love it."

"Except me!"

"Yes, yes, never mind about that.  Just pick up some more gold and then come through to meet your intended.  You'd best propose to him as well later.  I'll have the palace arrange a photoshoot, and then we'll make the announcement." 

"Yes, Pater," Hilary said mournfully.

___

Connor felt a little bit dazed and confused.  He'd fully expected to wake up and be marched off to the king's bedchamber to begin his new and unpleasant life.  Instead he was being congratulated by all and sundry, there was talk of a royal wedding, and he didn't think he'd ever seen his father look so very pleased with himself.  And there was gold, everywhere.

The large anomaly didn't seem to have produced a dinosaur, which was something.  Connor supposed that he must have imagined the little man and in the same hallucinatory state of sheer terror somehow managed to fix the anomaly device.  Everything felt quite surreal.

As Lester was busy being rather smug with his fellow politicians, Connor took the opportunity to look through the anomaly himself.  It was, as the king said, pure gold on the other side.

It really did look as if the anomaly had opened into some vast bank vault, and Connor vaguely wondered if that was what had happened.  Still, the king was happy... although the prince looked distinctly miserable when his father waved Connor over.

"Connor!  Come here, dear boy!"

Connor couldn't help noticing that Prince Hilary was taking a few steps backwards as he approached.  The king seemed oblivious, and waxed lyrical for a couple of minutes about the gold, and the wedding, and what a wonderful chap Connor was.  Then he noticed a particularly shiny and large piece of gold and hurried off to inspect it, saying something about leaving the happy couple to get to know one another.

Connor looked a little nervously at the prince.  Hilary didn't look as if he were part of a very happy couple.

"So," said Connor.  That was all he could think of to say.  He looked at his feet, supposing that Prince Hilary was probably looking at him as if he were addled. 

"I believe we are expected to get to know one another.  I enjoy sword fighting and saving people, being the People's Prince and all that.  What do you enjoy?"

Connor decided it was probably best if he didn't mention the computer games.  "I like science," he explained, gesturing towards the anomaly.  "And Dr Who."  Everyone liked Dr Who, it was one of the most popular shows on TV.  He looked hopefully at the prince.

"Yes, you do, don't you."  Hilary looked as though someone had kicked his favourite puppy.  "Well, Connor, it's bad luck to see too much of each other before the wedding, so I'll see you at the photo session tomorrow."  He dithered awkwardly for a moment, then took Connor's hand, kissed it very quickly, and hurried away through the anomaly.

It wasn't quite what Connor had been hoping for, but he wasn't altogether surprised because he wasn't exactly stupid.  It wasn't going to be much fun being married to the prince if Hilary didn't want anything to do with him.   

Sadly he sat down on a large pile of gold, and kicked at it despondently, yelping in pain as he stubbed his toe on a solid metal box that had been buried beneath it.

It was a very old box, by the looks of it.  He pulled it free of most of the gold coins that were burying it, and rattled the lock, trying to open it.  There was something inside, he could hear it rolling about when he moved the box.

The lock was old and corroded, and gave way after very little struggling on Connor's part.  He flipped open the lid and looked inside.  All that was in there was an ancient-looking bottle with a sealed stopper in the top.  He shook it, but it appeared to be empty.  All in all it was quite disappointing.  Just to be sure, Connor unsealed the stopper and tossed it aside.

It was as though the bottle had exploded in a gigantic shower of sparkles and rainbows.  Connor dropped it in shock, scrambling to his feet and taking a few steps back.

In the midst of all the colourful display was a pretty young woman in a rather scanty outfit made from what looked like brightly coloured scarves and sparkly jewels.  She gave a shriek of delight and spun around, with more sparkles falling around her as she did so.

"Thank you!" she beamed at him, then rushed up to give him a hug.  "I've been stuck in that bottle for centuries!  I thought nobody was ever going to find me!"

Connor eyed the bottle suspiciously.  It wasn't more than about ten centimetres high at most.  Petite as the woman was, there was no way she could fit in that bottle.  He was a scientist, he knew these things.

"That was a pretty cool trick, but where did you really come from?  Is this your gold?"

The woman folded her arms and fixed him with a pointed glare.  "I am," she told him, "Jess of the Bottle.  I have been trapped in there since my last master stupidly wasted his third wish on something selfish and stupid and pointless.  I do hope that you are going to prove more sensible."

Her tone implied that she doubted it.  However, Connor wasn't going to fall for the trick that quickly and easily.  He wasn't stupid.

"So, I'm your master now?" he queried.  There were easy ways to find out the truth of the matter.  "And there are wishes?"

" _Three_ wishes.  It's always three wishes, don't you read any stories?"

Truthfully Connor had given up reading stories a long time ago and preferred to watch films or TV, but he suspected the scantily-clad woman in front of him would have something insulting to say about that, so he just nodded.  "So... I have three wishes?"

"Yes.  Please make them good ones.  I have to spend a long time back in that bottle once you've used them up."

That seemed rather a poor reward for the wish-granting.  Not that he believed the wishes thing, but if it _were_ true then... no, he wasn't going to think about it.  Still, if it were true...

"I wish Prince Hilary loved me," Connor mumbled to himself. 

Jess clasped her hands together delightedly, shooting rainbows and fairy dust everywhere.  "That's my _favourite_ type of wish!" she exclaimed.  "Done!" 

"What?" Connor looked around, startled.  "That was one of my wishes?"

"It was a really good one!"  Jess beamed.  "Two more like that, please.  I love it when people don't go for boring material things.  Love wishes are always the best!"  She gave herself a little hug of delight, then ran over to hug Connor too.  "He's going to love you _so_ much!"

"But... Not that I'm saying I believe you... but if this were true and I use two more wishes, then you have to go back to being imprisoned in the bottle?"

The smile faltered slightly and started to look rather false.  "I am Jess of the Bottle.  That's what happens until someone finds me again."

"So if I... and I'm still not saying I believe you... if I didn't use up all three wishes, then you'd be free for a while?"

"Yes," she gave a little sigh.  "But nobody is that kind.  This gold was all from a previous master.  After I'd granted his wishes he locked up my bottle so that nobody else could have me.   He thought that if he opened it again he'd get three more.  But it doesn't work like that.  You only get three wishes."

Connor wished that he didn't believe her.  It seemed such a cruel fate.  "Can I have an 'Are you sure' button?  I mean, can you double-check I meant to wish it before granting it so that I don't wish for something by accident?"  He could vaguely remember the tales from cartoons as a child.

"Absolutely.  Not the love one, because you obviously meant that, but I'll check the other two.  I must say you're more sensible than any of my other masters."

It was flattering, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself by believing her about the whole genie thing.  No harm in humouring her just a little bit though.  "And in the meantime do you just sit in the bottle until I've thought of something?"

"Oh no," Jess beamed.  "I'll go off and see the world.  You keep the bottle and just call me when you've thought of something.  I'm not going back in that thing until I have to.  Please take as long as you can!"

Connor picked up the bottle and slipped it into his pocket, seeing Jess's smile widen further.  He decided to go along with it, though he supposed that as soon as they stepped through the anomaly there would be someone on the other side waiting to deliver the punchline from the obvious joke.  Still, he led her through the anomaly, tensing as he went through, just waiting for what was to come.

Prince Hilary was there, talking to one of the knights.  They both looked up, then stared at Jess.  The brightly-coloured scarves didn't exactly leave a great deal to the imagination.

"Who's this?" Hilary demanded.  "Father won't be happy if anyone steals his gold."

"Connor rescued me!" Jess declared happily.  Connor was sure he could see more sparkles floating around her.  They seemed to be moving towards the prince.  "I was trapped and he saved me!  He's so brave!"

Connor wasn't sure that opening a bottle counted as brave.  Still, Hilary was giving him a very strange look.  It was almost... fond.  Perhaps he had wind.

" _Connor_ saved you?  Bravely and heroically?"

Jess nodded enthusiastically, and gave Connor a hug for good measure.  "He's my hero!"

Connor couldn't remember the last time he'd seen the prince smile.  He'd certainly never seen it aimed at him.

"No," Hilary corrected her.  "He's mine."  And he swept Connor up in his arms and kissed him.

\---

Connor married his prince a few months later in a lavish ceremony watched by the whole nation and indeed several other nations too.

It was paid for by a small amount of the gold from his own anomaly, which seemed to be making everyone very happy indeed, particularly the king. 

Jess had appeared the week before and demanded that she be bridesmaid.  No amount of protesting on Connor's part that he wasn't a bride had any effect.  Apparently she'd found the perfect dress and a number of pairs of shoes, and insisted on walking down the aisle behind Connor and Lester, throwing fairy dust and sparkles at grooms and guests alike as she did so.

Connor was very happy indeed.  Life, he thought, couldn't get much better.  And then, suddenly, it did.

Connor had never completely trusted King Philip.  There was something a little shifty about him, plus there was the whole almost becoming his bedwarmer thing that Connor had never quite got over the trauma of.  To top it all, Lester didn't like Philip, and Connor had always found his father to be an excellent judge of character.  Admittedly he tended to roll his eyes somewhat when the prince started showing off his sword fighting skills or waxing lyrical about saving the world and everyone in it, but apart from that his judgement was sound.  Besides, as Lester said when Connor pointed this out to him, it was his prerogative to criticise his son-in-law.  It was what fathers and guardians did.

It didn't seem to be what Philip did.  Or at least, not at first.  Not until the gold supply had run out.  The anomaly did indeed seem to open into a giant vault, and there was no way of knowing where or when that was situated because the only door was very strong and was locked from the other side.  Jess couldn't help, except to say that it had been there a long time and didn't he know there was a sample sale on at the moment so if he didn't have a wish could she please go?

Philip had commissioned a statue of himself to be built in every single town in the land.  And, for good measure, a palace in each of the major cities.  He was saddened, however, by the lack of anything to celebrate his kingliness in any of the villages, and decided they needed more gold to rectify this.  Which was when he told Connor to open another anomaly.

Luckily for Connor, Philip accepted that he had found the only golden trove that he knew of, and was happy for him to experiment until he located another one.  Prince Hilary, after all, would not have been happy for his beloved husband to be threatened in any way, and certainly would have taken a particularly dim view of his father repeating his original threat.

If Connor were honest, the prince's view of many things was a little dim.  But he hadn't married him for his brains, and the sex more than made up for it all anyway.  Besides, he was very well-meaning and brave and still wore a billowing white shirt open to the navel all the time, and Connor had no doubt he would be a far better king than his father.  He was going to look great on the stamps, especially if he was thrusting his sword around in any of the featured portraits.

It took Connor quite a long time, but eventually he managed to work out how to open another anomaly.  There was no gold on the other side, but at least there didn't seem to be any gigantic dinosaurs either.  Philip wasn't very impressed at the lack of gold, and told him to try again.

The second anomaly opened remarkably quickly.  Philip was quite impressed with it, as he was standing there watching whilst Connor worked the device.  He rubbed his hands together, probably thinking of all the gold he was about to get his hands on.  Sadly for Philip, the large, hungry G. rex that decided to investigate the anomaly at that moment didn't realise he was king and devoured its tasty treat before anyone knew what had happened.

And thus Prince Hilary became king.   As kings were allowed to choose their kingly name from whatever names they'd been given at birth, he declared himself King Becker the First and announced that anyone who _ever_ referred to him as Hilary ever again would find themselves in the royal dungeons.  His second act was to ban further research into anomalies, as they contained king-eating monsters.  His third act was to have a lot of tournaments for all the knights to enjoy, and let all the poor people sit in the front row so that they felt less deprived, and have free burgers and coke. 

Everyone was very happy as King Becker was a good, if rather dim king, and everyone loved him. 

In time, people grew sad that there was no handsome young prince growing up, as they had enjoyed cutting out pictures of Prince ~~Hilary~~ Becker from Hello! magazine and speculating on his love life before he'd settled down with Connor.  King Becker realised this, eventually, and was sad too, as he loved his people and wanted to make them happy. 

One day Connor found Becker sitting on his throne, looking downcast and miserable.  At first Connor thought perhaps it was simply the whole being king thing, because apparently that was quite a responsibility and Becker often claimed he needed mid-afternoon blow jobs just to get through the stress of the day.  As he'd claimed this whilst he was prince as well, Connor wasn't entirely sure he believed him, but was always happy to oblige.

On that particular day, the problem was something else.  Becker took him for a walk through the royal portrait gallery to look at all the paintings of the various kings and queens, so that Connor could see their family history.  Connor didn't like to point out that as King Philip had purchased Becker from a particularly fit and attractive couple, none of the people staring regally down at them from the palace walls were actually any blood relation to either of them.  Looking at some of them, that could only be a good thing.

When they reached their own portrait, which Connor thought was the best of all of them, mostly because it was a photograph rather than a questionable representation of them both, Becker gestured to the empty space beyond it.

"We have no heir.  We owe it to the people to provide an heir.  If we don't, mother may decide to produce one with Sir Danny, and that would be distressing in so many ways."

Connor wondered if Becker realised why they had no heir.  He hoped so, but with Becker he could never be quite sure. 

"We could adopt," he ventured. 

Becker shook his head.  "Too risky.  Too many people would suddenly claim they hadn't meant to give the child up and are now in line to the throne.  My advisors have already looked into it."

At least that probably meant Becker did realise why they had no heir, Connor thought.  "Did they have any ideas?"

"Because I've made buying children illegal, we can't do what my father did.  And apparently if we had a surrogate there would be the same problems with people claiming they were in line to the throne.  So no, there weren't any ideas.  The crown will either go to Cutter of Scotland, and everyone will end up rolling their Rs in an infuriating fashion, or it will be that expressionless Irish man who becomes king.  The one who spends all his time on official visits out in the greenhouses fondling the plants.  Either way, it's the end for our country.  Connor, you're brilliant, can't you think of something?"

Connor couldn't, but he knew someone who could.  He dragged the king back to their room, retrieved the bottle from the safe in there, and summoned Jess.

The king looked a little startled at all the sparkles and rainbows that accompanied her arrival, possibly moreso at that than at the fact that a young woman had just materialised in the middle of their room.

Jess of the Bottle had numerous shopping bags under her arm, and looked a little harassed.  "Yes, Master," she sighed.  "What is it?"

"That's the girl you saved heroically, then she was at our wedding," Becker pointed out.  "The one who kept changing her shoes."

"I got a modelling contract out of that from three different shoe companies," Jess told him.  "Don't knock it.  I get free shoes from them.  It's wonderful.  Look!" She held out one of her bags, which looked suspiciously full and Connor decided it was time to quickly change the subject.

"I've decided on my second wish," he told her.  Jess immediately looked a little wary, but put the bags down.  Presumably she needed both hands free to conjure up the necessary sparkles.  Connor hoped he wasn't going to have to incubate a baby for nine months or something dire like that.  Still, if it was what Becker really wanted...  "We need an heir, so... I wish Becker and I could have a child."

Jess stared at him, looking a little horrified.  "A child?  Like, a baby?  Wouldn't you rather have a puppy or something?  Puppies are adorable!"  Evidently this wasn't a good wish like his first one.

"No, we need an heir to be king or queen when we're gone.  A crown prince, or princess."

"Why are you asking her?" Becker wondered. 

"Shh, she's a genie and I have two wishes left.  She can get us a baby with no complications."

"Can you?" Becker looked at her in some confusion.  "Do genies give them away?"

"Well I wouldn't want to keep the noisy, smelly thing!  Of course we give them away.  Connor.” She looked to her master.  "Are you sure, are you absolutely sure that's what you want?  I'm doing the questioning thing, you'll notice. Not too late to back out."

"I'm sure."

"People won't mind if there's no baby."

"People like babies.  Do you want me to wish it again?"

Jess sighed.  "That won't be necessary.  How horrible."  She threw a huge handful of sparkles up in the air, and the king watched as they fell all over the three of them. 

"Is that it?"  Connor looked around but no screaming baby had magically appeared.  All their clothes had vanished though.

"Of course not!  Now you both have to shag me.  A lot.  Oh, and it doesn't work unless you both make sure I enjoy it."

"Um... we're both gay?"

"That's okay, I'm not and after all it's only me that has to enjoy it!  It's compensation for the terrible, terrible thing you're making me do." Jess beamed at them both in a way that made it clear she wasn't going to accept any arguments.  "So, no problem, right?  Oh!" She threw another handful of sparkles over them both, and suddenly Connor felt a whole lot happier about the prospect.  In fact, Jess was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen that wasn't Becker, and it looked as though Becker was feeling the same.

And so the king and his consort managed to produce a genuine and extremely adorable heir without any mpreg taking place, and everyone was very happy.  Particularly Connor, who had been a little concerned.  Jess of the Bottle was perhaps less happy than the rest of them, and got progressively less happy as the months passed.  Her lack of happiness reached a peak when she lost her shoe modelling contract due to swollen ankles.  Apparently Connor was the worst master ever, and this was going on the list of most dire things genies had ever been asked to do.

Considering how much she hated it, it was surprising how many magazine spreads the new royal surrogate managed to find herself smiling across, and how many highly fashionable maternity wear companies were vying for her modelling services.  And giving her clothes.  Lots of them.  When Connor asked her about it, he just got that overly bright smile again, and a reminder that nothing, but _nothing_ was compensation for the horror she still had to undergo.

Except, when the time came, Jess waved an extra-large load of sparkles, grimaced a little, and suddenly there was a screaming princeling.  Jess wrinkled her nose in disgust, shoved the noisy bundle at Connor and promptly vanished, presumably worried he'd ask her to start feeding the thing. 

Becker was ridiculously pleased with the baby.  He even attempted to change the royal nappies on one occasion, then saw what was in them and immediately handed Becker Junior over to a nanny.  Prince Becker Junior, or BJ as they preferred to call him, had a lot of nannies.  He was never without food, toys or attention, and as a result only cried a few times a day, at least within his fathers' earshot.  It was another reason why the king was so pleased with him.

Connor was also pleased, because it became apparent that although their son looked very much like Becker, he had inherited Connor's brains and was soon coming out with his first word.  Admittedly, it might be wind, but Connor preferred the other option.  As he was also part genie, BJ seemed to have a bit of a thing for bottles, which might prove worrying later in life but at that stage all he seemed to want to do was cuddle empty feeding bottles. 

Connor had forgotten all about the little man who had opened the anomaly for him by this stage.  He was so happy with his family and delighted that Lester had managed to win another election.  He didn't really spare a thought for the bargain he'd made.  In truth, if he ever thought about it, he supposed it must have been a dream brought on by the stress of it all. 

He thought that, right up until BJ was a year old.  And then he saw the little man again.

It was a lovely sunny day and Connor had been taking BJ for a walk through the grounds of the royal palace.  He'd let the press take a few pictures, because people liked seeing the new prince toddling along, and was wondering if they had time to go down to the training ground and watch Becker practising his sword-fighting with the knights.

Suddenly the strange little man from the anomaly leapt out in front of them.  BJ burst into tears and Connor picked him up to give him a cuddle. 

"So, we meet again!" Leek rubbed his hands together, looking at BJ.  "And I see the time has come for you to pay up!"

BJ bawled even more loudly.  Connor wondered where all the royal bodyguards had suddenly disappeared to. 

"You can't take our baby," he insisted.  There had been loads of guards around a few minutes before.  It was as if they'd been spirited away.

"Oh, but I can.  If you don't hand him over, I'll open up hundreds of anomalies, all of which lead into the past and will unleash monsters onto the world.  And I'll make sure they eat King Becker first."  He held out his hands, expecting Connor to hand BJ over.

Connor gripped his son tightly.  "There must be another way.  What if we give you money?"

"I have plenty of money.  I want the child."

Connor really didn't want to know what the creepy little man wanted to do with BJ, and didn't ask.  "There must be something else."  He was starting to cry a bit too.  BJ was wailing loudly.  Connor knew who he got that from.

"There's nothing.  That child is part genie.  I'm going to raise it and find a way to make it grant me wishes forever.  But, to be sporting, I'll give you one chance to avoid this.  Only because you'll never manage it.  I'll give you three days to guess my full name.  If you can't do it then you must hand over the child, and all rights to him."

It was unbearable.  Connor ran back to the palace, clutching BJ tightly.  He wouldn't give him up to any of the nurses or nannies, just raced up to his lab with the baby, sat down and starting surfing the internet looking for clues.  He was there for hours.  Fortunately BJ fell asleep quite quickly, but Connor wouldn't let him out of his sight.  Eventually Becker wandered in to see why Connor hadn't turned up for dinner. 

Becker tended to stay out of Connor's lab because it was full of high-tech stuff that he didn't understand, and he'd once accidentally caused a small disaster through flicking a switch to see what it did.  After Connor had stopped the anomaly device overloading and probably exploding, he ordered Becker never to touch anything in his lab ever again, and never mind if he was king or not.

Surprisingly, Becker had done what he was told.  Although perhaps it wasn't so very surprising, as Connor had discovered Becker quite enjoyed following any orders he wanted to give him, and tended to let Connor have his way in most things.  It was a most unexpected part of their marriage, as Connor had expected to spend his married life just doing exactly what Becker told him to.  Apparently the love spell had worked extremely well and Becker adored him.

Becker took one look at Connor's tear-streaked face and was immediately on the alert.

"You've been crying!  Who's upset you?  I'll have them flogged!"

It wasn't strictly legal to have people flogged any more, but Connor appreciated the thought.  His search had revealed nothing, and he wasn't sure what to try next.  Becker might be able to do something though.

"I don't know.  And that's the problem."  Connor proceeded to explain exactly what had happened and what he'd promised.

"I didn't think we'd have children," he finished.  "I didn't think I'd ever have to give one up."

Becker nodded, deep in thought.  Connor could tell this from the frown line that had appeared.

"So you didn't manage to open the anomaly?" he said eventually.

"No.  The little man did it."

"So you cheated and we shouldn't really be married?"

Connor froze.  He hadn't expected Becker to work that out.  Perhaps he was brighter than Connor thought, and now Connor was going to lose him.

"Well... technically.  But if I hadn't, I was going to be given to your father as bedwarmer.  I couldn't admit that I'd cheated.  And... we're happy, aren't we?"

Becker nodded.  "Of course.  Apart from the fact we might lose BJ.  I could tell my knights, they'll hunt him down and kill him."

It wasn't a bad idea.  But it wouldn't work.  "He escapes through the anomalies," Connor explained. "They'd never find him, and would end up lost.  And he made our guards vanish earlier."

"Fine.  We'll issue a national search.  Whoever can identify him correctly wins their weight in gold.  He'll be on the CCTV, we can find pictures.  Don't worry, Conn, he's not going to get his hands on BJ."

It was a surprisingly good idea.  Apparently Becker needed something traumatic to happen before his brain started working.  Connor began to look at him with new respect. 

Lester was pretty good as well.  Much as he had threatened to strangle Connor if he tried to teach BJ to call him Grampy one more time, he was secretly very fond of the child and anyway he wasn't going to have his second term marred by a scandal that would never, ever be forgotten in all of history and go down as second only to the princes in the tower for horror.  Soon the whole country was searching for the man who was, as far as most people were concerned, going to kidnap baby BJ and do who knew what to him.  They had CCTV footage from his appearance in the palace grounds, but as nobody seemed to know who he was that wasn't much help.

On the first night the man appeared once again seemingly out of nowhere, but Connor was sure there would be an anomaly nearby.

On Lester's instructions, Connor read out a long, long list of names.  It was pretty much the entire contents of every book of children's names they could find.  By sunrise Connor was still reading, struggling to pronounce many of them as he'd long since finished all the English ones.

All that he'd established was that the man's first name was Oliver.  That was something, although he suspected that was probably the easiest.  Who knew how many more there would be to find?  He marked his place ready for the next evening.  There were many books still to go, and those in languages that didn't use a Latin-derived alphabet were going to prove impossible.

On the second night, Connor tried again.  He had help from numerous translators who were able to read from the other books.  Oliver just sat there with an amused look on his face, shaking his head.

"We could just kill him," Becker growled.  "That would solve the problem."

"Indeed.  Except how do you know that I'm not a clone, and that the real me won't come back and open anomalies all over the world to avenge me?"

Becker simmered quietly whilst Connor and the translators continued reading.

At dawn, Oliver was gone again and they were no closer to finding his other names.  They were close to despair.  Connor had started crying again and Becker marched around the throne room shouting that he wanted to shoot something.  Anything.

"I realise I don't really want to know the answer," Lester told them when he heard of their failure that afternoon.   "But why exactly does this creep want BJ?  Apart from the obvious need to correct the dreadful name you two have given him?"

Connor explained to him about Jess of the Bottle, and how BJ really was the son of both of them but because of the surrogacy was apparently part genie as well.  "He thinks he'll get endless wishes."

"How ridiculous.  Well, where is this bottle woman?  Hasn't she got any ideas?"

"You've still got one wish left," Becker reminded Connor.

Connor knew he did.  He had sworn that he'd never use it, because it meant he'd be condemning Jess, who had given him both Becker and BJ, back to a life of imprisonment.  It seemed a poor payment but they had no choice.

Reluctantly he retrieved the bottle, and summoned Jess.

Jess, it seemed, had been off on a round the world cruise and the tiny islands she'd been visiting didn't get the news for several days so she hadn't heard about the search for the would-be child abductor.  Also, the shopping channel didn't have a great deal of news on it.

Her face fell when she realised that Connor was going to use his last wish, but she agreed that it had to be done.  He was, she insisted, still the best master and although she'd miss all the shopping and holidays and modelling, she understood why he needed to do it.  And, she'd added, her bottom lip trembling which just made Connor feel even worse, at least it was another good wish, and not a selfish one.

Then she skipped off for some last minute shopping, and promised to return by nightfall when Connor could make his wish.

Connor felt horrible, but at least he knew BJ would be safe.

\---

The evening arrived all too quickly. 

Becker had locked BJ in a storeroom surrounded by all his best knights.  He stood at the door himself, sword drawn.  There was no way he was going to let his son go without a fight.

Connor hoped the fight wouldn't prove to be with a very large and hungry dinosaur.  He couldn't bear the thought of losing both Becker and BJ.

Jess of the Bottle turned up at dusk, looking rather downcast and trailing several large cases behind her.  She was anticipating a long confinement, and had come prepared with a vast selection of DVDs and books.

"I have a few more names to try," Connor told her.  "Then I'll have to use up the last wish.  I'm really sorry.  I wasn't going to use the last one, ever."

Jess sat down on one of her cases.  "Don't worry about it.  It's all part of being a genie."

That didn't make Connor feel any better.  But just then an anomaly started to open and Jess clapped her hands together.

"Ooh!  Sparkly!"

Connor failed to see anything good about it.  Especially as it heralded the arrival of the man who wanted to take BJ, and stopping him was going to mean the loss of one of his friends. 

Sure enough, Oliver appeared.  He strode through the anomaly, smiling nastily.

"So, Connor, do you admit defeat?"

Jess stared at the little man.  Then she crossed her arms and glared at him: "Oliver Rumpelstiltskin Leek!  What the devil are you doing here, you evil little worm?  Tell me it's not you who's trying to steal Connor and Becker's baby?!"

"That's him," Connor whispered.  "That's... Oh!  That's Oliver  Rumpelstiltskin Leek!"  He beamed happily at Jess.  "You're the best!"

Leek gave a howl of rage and ran back through the anomaly.  It closed behind him and they never saw him again.

"Phew!" Jess wiped her brow.  "For an awful moment I thought I was going to have to pop out another one for you.  Conjuring those things up plays havoc with your figure.  My ankles swelled up so much I could hardly fit any of my favourite shoes on!"

Connor was barely listening.  "You saved our baby!  Becker won't divorce me!"

"Oh, Becker wouldn't have done that, he's got the whole love thing going on."

"Yeah."  Connor looked a little downcast.  "I feel bad about that.  It's as if I'm forcing him to love me because he's under a spell."

"Oh no, that wore off after a few weeks, he really does love you.  He's written poetry about you, you know?  It's in the drawer under your bed.  I wouldn't read it, it's the most dire thing and he really can't spell.  But it's sort of adorable that he's done it."

Connor started to laugh, then considered it.  "Hang on, how do you know?"

Jess drew herself up to her full height in heels, which still didn't quite reach five foot, and eyed him sternly.  "I am your guardian genie, until you've made your third wish.  I have to be around constantly."

"You're watching us have sex, aren't you?"

"God yes, that's delicious!  Could I put in some requests?"

Connor glared at her, but she just shrugged and threw up some rainbows and sparkles. 

"Look how pretty this is!  Wheee!"

"You're not distracting me!"

She shrugged.  "It works with Becker.  Worth a try!"

"Talking of Becker, we'd better tell him he can stand down now, Leek's gone.  I won't tell him about the spying on us thing though.  As long as you stop."

Jess shrugged.  "Sorry, it goes with the job.  Have to watch everything.  Guardian genie and all."

"Until I've made my third wish?"

"Exactly.  And that would mean returning me to cruel and harsh imprisonment."

"Unless my third wish was for you to be free.  Can that be done?"

Jess stared at him.  "You'd do that?  Really?"

"Well, I've got everything I want, the whole happy ever after thing.  I don't need a third wish."

"I'd need to get a job."

"You won't need one.  You'll collect the reward for saving BJ.  But you could be a personal shopper."

Jess clasped her hands together in delight. 

And so BJ was saved, for which everyone was thankful.  He grew up to be a very handsome and clever prince, and when his father abdicated to go and retire somewhere warm with his consort, BJ became an excellent king. 

Jess went off to be a personal shopper and part-time shoe modeller.  She married one of the knights and had lots of delicious sex but didn't have any more babies because of the ankle-swelling thing.

Queen April kept Sir Danny as her personal bedwarmer.  This annoyed the king, which amused Sir Danny and they bickered happily for many years.

James Lester continued as the most popular and sarcastic Prime Minister the country had ever known.  When he eventually got bored with being able to tell everyone what to do after several decades, his son in law knighted him and he went off to the House of Lords where he was very happy as he didn't have to be there much and had plenty of time for TV appearances and book writing.

Finally, because Connor had rescued Jess a second time he appeared even more heroic and adorable to Becker, so of course they lived happily ever after.

The end.

 

 


End file.
